Stop going to the DIY shop to buy milk

I remember the first time I heard this expression and it hit hard. It means stop expecting something from a person, place or situation that is incapable of giving it.

Just like the DIY shop doesn’t sell milk, some people or environments simply cannot provide what you’re looking for – no matter now many times you go back or how politely you ask.

If you’re:

• Expecting emotional support from someone who’s emotionally unavailable
• Looking for kindness, validation or consistency from someong who has shown they can’t offer it
• Staying in situations hoping they’ll become something they have never been

then you’re shopping at the DIY shop for milk.

The problem isn’t that you’re not asking correctly – it’s that you’re asking in the wrong place.

Once you accept that, you can stop being diappointed and start redirecting your enery toward places that actually meet your needs.

Coaching helps with this by interrupting the pattern of going back to the ‘wrong shop’ and teaching you to choose differently. Coaching gently but firmly helps to distinguish who someone could be from who they consistently are. That clarity alone reduces emotional exhaustion, resentment and disappointment. Coaching helps you to realise that your needs are not wrong, but the source of having them met is misaligned with your needs. Coaching will help you see the patterns clearly and ask:

“Who am I expecting this from?”

“What do they actually offer?”

“What does the evidence show me?”

Once you start to choose the correct sources to meet your needs, you’ll start to feel calmer, less resentful and far more at peace.